4 min read

9 Ways To Know Your Friendship Is Toxic

Is it possible to outgrow a friendship?

You’ve known each other for years. You practically grew up together while experiencing all the awkward phases of life. Indulging in everything under the sun as best friends do. From heartbreaks to backpacking Europe together, you haven’t skipped a beat in each other’s lives.

You are pretty much inseparable and know each other’s deepest secrets. It’s almost as if you are bonded like glue.

Except things have changed…with you.

Your life is moving in an upward direction. And you finally have the relationship you have longed for over the years. A kickass career you truly love and devote most of your spare time to.

You’ve even done some self-development work and see life in a different light today. Personally you have just outgrown your old self, leaving behind habits that no longer serve you. You have found your inner voice and are beginning to own your self-worth.

Yet, your friend isn’t even close to being happy for you and you can’t figure out why.

Here are 9 Ways to Know Your Friend Isn’t A True Friend:

1.They Are Jealous

At one point you and your friend were on equal planes. Since then, you’ve done some inner work on yourself, raising your standards to growth mode. She can’t quite handle your success and how happy you are. Yet, you are beyond proud of your transformational story.

2.They Criticize You

Every time you reach out to meet up for dinner, you end up regretting it. You get to chatting like old pals and before you know it your friend has made two personal digs at you. They intentionally put you down so they can elevate their own vibration and feel better about where they are in their life.

3.They Only Talk About Themselves

The friendship has become one-sided. Your friend only cares to talk about their life goals and aspirations and forgets you aren’t their sounding board. If you even mention you’re having a bad day, it falls on deaf ears and they flip the script back their way. They don’t know how to even be an emotionally supportive friend to you.

4.They Can’t Be Trusted

It’s hard to know when to trust them and when not to. They often lack integrity and will drop plans last minute to do something else that better suits them. Once again, you feel invisible because they are completely unaware of how they treat you. And if you bring it up, somehow you’re the one to blame. Your feelings are irrelevant and quickly dismissed.

5.They Are Overly Dramatic

It can be as simple as picking out a restaurant for a bite to eat or having a crisis over what outfit they are going to wear out. Either way, they are making it all about them and the world stops until they are a happy camper and have it their way. Even if that means showing up to dinner thirty minutes late because they had to switch their shoes five times.

6.They Agree To What Is Convenient For Them

Your friend operates from a “ME” mindset, meaning their needs are the only priority. Understanding friendships are mutually beneficial, a “WE” mindset is a foreign language to them. You are basically expected to bend over backward and cater to their needs. And if you don’t agree, then they blow you off altogether disregarding your feelings and boundaries.

7.They Compete With You

They will message you to catch up because they want to know the latest on you, but not because they genuinely care. They may ask where you bought your new shirt from, how did you receive a raise at your job, or where are you and your boyfriend are going on vacation to only so they can try and one-up you. They are secretly envious of you.

8.They Make You Feel Used

They drain your energy like a vampire. You welcome them in your home when they need a place to stay, you plan all these cool events for both of you to attend, and they even borrow your clothes without returning them. Yet, it’s never good enough no matter how hard you try to keep them happy. They continuously just take advantage of you without giving back to the friendship.

9.They Talk Behind Your Back

You have mutual friends outside of your close-knit bond. Yet, they seem to know everything about what goes on between you and your friend. Even some of the most vulnerable moments you’ve shared with your best friend somehow end up a group text conversation. You’re beginning to feel betrayed and humiliated by their lack of empathy.

Unfortunately, not all friendships stay the same over the years. As you begin to elevate your lifestyle and achieve your romantic relationship and career goals, sometimes friendships get redefined along the way too. It’s not because they aren’t a good person, but if they aren’t striving towards success in their own life or doing some personal inner work, your friendship may reach an impasse. This just means you have to decide where they fit in your new life today. Keep them close and set boundaries, or separate yourself arm’s lengths distance. Only you can decide what’s best for you and your social life.