To Assess Or Assume...The Biggest Mistake Couples Make

We have lost count on the number of times we have asked “Did you assess how come they said or did x,y,z?” And, 99.9% percent of the time we receive the answer “No.” This is one of the biggest mistakes that can make or break your relationships, both personally and professionally.

Communication barriers have drastically increased over the years in modern-day conversations. Whether it is pop culture, language, sensory overload, self-consumption, or zero mutual interest, to name a few, the lack of connection is on the decline. The majority of the time individuals have their defenses up, aka, reactive-protection mode. This leads to becoming more fixated on yourself and your needs instead of building the bond between the two of you or understanding each other. 

When this occurs, you may send messages or emails that involve statements about yourself, the service or product you’re selling versus asking questions to carry the conversations back and forth for engagement. This is a clear indicator the relationship is about what only works for you, losing the attention of the other party. This is also known as the ME mindset. 

What you are in a ME mindset, you fail to see how to build genuine relationships. You lack the ability to see outside of your blind spots and will find yourself more confused about how come this potential prospect no longer wants to do business with you. Or, your love interest is no longer interested in exchanging text messages. 

To assume the other person’s position comes from a lack of self-awareness and poor relationship intelligence skills. But, don’t worry. We got your back!

Here Are 3 Reason Why You Need to Assess Versus Assume In Your Relationships:

1.To Understand Their Perspective

You will encounter many walks of life in your lifetime. Each and every person will be unique to their own background, beliefs, values, and understanding of life. This is what makes the world go around. 

Unfortunately, when a disconnect occurs in a connection, it’s natural for you to go into ME mindset mode and convey your position. Most human beings, like yourself, can be quick to discredit a belief or idea that does not align with their own beliefs because it feels foreign, causing confusion and discomfort. For whatever reason, when you do this you fail to see the other party for who they are and what they bring to the table on the flipside. 

When you cannot see the other side of the coin more than likely you will hit an impasse in your conversation, leaving you frustrated or anxious. The best way to bridge the gap between your differences is by seeking to understand the other person’s point of view. This does not mean you agree with it, but you can understand it in order to find common ground and reach a mutual alignment. 

2. To Understand Their Needs

If you do not take time to understand a person’s deeper need, whether personally or professionally, you will continue to talk in circles without a plan of action. Each person comes to a relationship with a need that has to be met. Whether it’s your emotional need to be loved or the need to close a sale and solve a problem, your need is at the forefront of your interactions with that person. 

Physiological, safety, security, and love needs have been a fundamental part of life since you were born. You had needs to be fed, clothed, and taken care of. It doesn’t change as life evolves, but only the needs become more complex with lots of layers depending on your life choices. When needs are not met in your relationships, it can feel like you or the other person made a mistake. 

Needs are what each person cannot live without in order to seek personal and professional fulfillment. It will vary from one relationship to the next depending on the type of person you are involved with. However, you can only have remarkable relationships when you are able to meet your own needs but also with a romantic partner, family members, work colleagues, and client’s needs.

3. To Understand Their Fears

At the end of the day, everyone has a fear they most likely don’t want to admit due to feeling vulnerable or exposed to their inner secrets. Perhaps, you are fearful your partner will leave you if you voice your needs, you will lose a client if you address an issue, or maybe you are fearful your boss will fire you if you do not make a quota this month. Fear can wreak havoc on how you approach situations and the choices you make. 

When you operate from fear versus a place of value, you will end up feeling burnout. 

As conflict arises, usually there is some kind of fear that exists when overcoming the problem to reach an amicable solution. This can cause you or the other party to act in a way that seems irrational or reactive. The reason being is because it triggers an emotional response, fight or flight, that will hinder the outcome you desire. This can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors that don’t meet your goals, but hold you back from growing the relationship altogether. 

Finding a logical solution when fear is present creates a win-win outcome. Once you understand their fears or worries, it’s much easier to put them to rest and move forward in the connection. When you assume the relationship is doomed when you assess you will achieve relationship success. 

Looking to grow your relationships to the next level? Drop us a note. We would love to hear from you and help you get your needs met, both personally and professionally.